Matthew Wayne Felder - Site Memorial Online

©"My Saturday Angel"
By: Paula Miller 
June 24, 2008

My Saturday Angel, didn't come with instructions when he was born, nor did I know that I would have to say goodbye to him when I was holding him close to me and singing to him those nursery rhymes.  I never knew that those big brown eyes starring back at me would later not be there to look at for the remaining of my life...

My Saturday Angel, started crawling and then talking is when I realized I held the most precious gift from above. What do I need to do to keep my precious gift forever.  Please God don't ever take him away...but he never say okay...I wish I could have said one more time "I LOVE YOU SON", but I didn't!

My Saturday Angel, lived life in the best way possible, he was kind-hearted, hid his feelings, quite and reserved, never once did he complain, nor talked bad about someone.  He showed his pride in the way he talked, worked, and loved...

My Saturday Angel, may have had some life flawes, but most children do...that is why we need God to give us those life instructions to help us out.  I ask myself, what could I have done to keep my Saturday Angel with me one more minute, hour, day, week, month, years. Why now...

My Saturday Angel, will always be my pride and joy to have and hold...as his mother I will always be proud of him for the acomplishments he completed in this life and I will remember them for the rest of my life.

For you see this is my Saturday Angel...

Matthew Wayne Felder.

Today is June 9, 2008

I am sitting here sipping my coffee and wishing you are still here, I am needing your help to relax my mind as I need to understand so many things that doesn't make since to me as to how this really happened, I know the police report and the other reports are telling the same story, but you know me, I have to look at everything else.  I just can't help it.  I need to understand this.  I know you came to me last night in my dreams and I wanted so much to grab you and hug you so much and not let go. 

I just "HATE" this writing to you instead of talking to you over the phone.  This is not right.  You are to do your job here and not in heaven (at least not right now, you needed to wait until I get to be 100 years old and go to heaven before you do) you are to young to stay in the ground and your life had so much unfinished business to have died like this.  I am not blaming you for drinking but walking back home and passing out on the railroad tracks, what were you thinking. 

I know you didn't mean to do this, but sweetie, Mom is having a really hard time with this, her life has be turned upside down and my goodness I just want to die myself.  But I have to keep telling myself that you are in a better place; and I have to see to it that Shannon is ok, he's really having a hard time also.  Maria is such a great person, she is just hanging in there with Shannon and my goodness what a sweet person, I know God had her designed just for Shannon.  I wish that God had someone designed for you, maybe you wouldn't be were you are today. 

Well, I have to get up and go to work.  I hope for a good day. 

I loved you when you were born, I loved you growing up, and I will always have you at home in my heart, now and forever more and love you will always feel until we met again. 

I Love you,

Mom 

Good Morning My Son,

I wonder sometimes, why things happen for a reason or not.  I am 3 days late in writing to you since this is the fifth month that you have left us behind.  Some nights are really hard, especially on Saturday and Sundays.  I never had a problem with those day until you left on Saturday morning and then having to identify you on sunday afternoon. 

I know I am not to talk about you, but you are my first born and I don't think people understand this.  It seems to me, that no one cares about me and how I am suffering through this.  I don't hear from outside people to see how I am doing, but of course I forget they are "busy"...that might be it.  Well, I know Your brother and and his wife are really suffering also.  Father's day is coming up and it sure will not be the same without you sharing thoughts and sitting down to dinner or something like that. 

I wish upon your star, that I could really find out what truly happened to you that night, it haunts me that you would pass out and never awoke again.  I just can't shake this feeling.  I keep wondering if you came to just before the accident or did you feel any pain.   I pray to God about you all the time, and want you to be in heaven and not somewhere else, I don't know if I can handle anything else about this.  Sometimes I listen to too many things and then my mind wonders...

I wonder what I have done, to slow down the activity of your site, is it not good enough, or pretty enough, or are there things that I have offended others over, You did have alot of visitors and candle lighters but now you are luck to get one or two a day and those are some of me; while others that have gone before you get tons of visitors and candle lighters every day.  I don't understand this.  I sure hope you are getting alot of attention from God.  If not just keep in there son, he's got to pay attention to you, remember you are a Felder and we get attention, some how "Right"...

I am gratful for all the faithful visitors that do come and visit and is so gracious to lite a candle.  But there is something missing that I am not doing.  I am trying so hard to keep your memory alive, I just can't stop and forget about you ever.  I wish upon your star that you are just as important to them as you are to me. 

Last night I just couldn't go to sleep, it wasn't until  2 am this morning, I dozed off.  I still had to get up early to feed the cats, and of course Chloe she could quick meowing.  I went ahead and got up, feed them and then had my coffee.  I miss you and I sitting out on the porch in the early morning having coffee and talking about little or big issues.  I enjoyed that so much.

Well, I need to get up and get dressed, got to go to work at noon, which only leaves me a few mintues.  Just remember I love you, even if some of your family doesn't want to check on you and tell you they miss and love you also.  ( I do not mean your brother or sis-in-law) they are very faithful.

I understand that your Father is coming into town, and will be able to see your children, of course I have been left out of that event.  I think he is up to his old stuff again, and you know what I mean. 

I loved you when you were born, I loved you growing up, and I will always have you at home in my heart, now and forever more and love you will always feel until we met again. 

I Love you,

Mom 

On May 2nd 1974, my son Matthew Wayne Felder was born. 

The richness of life lies in the memories we have forgotten...

In the year 1974,

Remembering when...

1974 Timeline

January - 55 mph speed limit is imposed by Richard Nixon.

February - Cher files for separation from Sonny Bono.

March - The Grand Ole Opry House at Opryland is debuted.

April - Major League Baseball, Hank Aaron breaks

Babe Ruth's homerun record.

May - was the first Daytime Emy Awards was presented.

June - NFL grant franschise to Seattle Seahawks

July - The world's tallest structure, a 646 meter Polish radio mast, is completed.

August - President Richard Nixon announces his resignation.

September - President Gerald Ford pardons former President Nixon

of all federal crimes.

October - Frank Robinson becomes baseball's first

African American manager ( Cleveland Indians )

November - Watergate tapes shows that Nixon asked aides

to help protect him.

December - Popular Electronics display the Altair 8800 computers.

" I Will Never Forget "
By: Paula Miller - Mom
Written: April 19, 2008 

 I will never forget our times shared together,
I will never forget your smile, I will never forget your warmth as I go through each day. I catch myself starring at the door wondering what it would be like if you came walking through the door or a simple phone call saying . . . " Hey mom, how are you"?

I will never forget God's gift "YOU"  he gave to me on May 2, 1974.
I will never forget your likes and dislikes, I will never forget your ups and downs, I will never forget your hopes and dreams.  I will never forget to smile when a flower blooms and it's our private conversation. I will never forget to stop and say "hello" when I see a butterfly on a sunny spring morn, I will never forget how you filled the room with your cologne, I will never forget how you loved to dress up, I will never forget the nights you stayed up watching a movie and eating your popcorn, I will never forget how many times you told me you love me, I will never forget how you would help me cook, I will never forget how you were working hard to make everything right, I will never forget how much you love your children and will never forget how you wanted to be apart of everyone's life. I will never forget how you were so excited when you caught fish for dinner or the adventure of hunting.

I will never forget how my heart stopped on January 5, 2008 when God called your name.  I will never forget my son.. Some tell me that time will heal my broken heart, I know that can't be true, how can time heal my broken heart without you.  I will always even as time continues love and miss you forever. 

Your Mom...

Matthew lived his life filled with energy, but at the same time he was a simple person. Matthew loved to fish , play his music, read books, BBQ and loved to cook, eat oriental food with his chopsticks, he worked hard on projects that he was passionate about and spent time with his family, friends.